In an industry that is sometimes overrun with bravado, hubris and Instagram-worthy range videos, it can be easy to lose sight of what the core function of an executive protection agent is: protecting our client.

In an industry that is sometimes overrun with bravado, hubris, and Instagram-worthy range videos, it can be easy to lose sight of the executive protection agent’s core function: protecting the client. But we’re not just protecting their life. We’re also protecting their peace of mind, productivity, brand, and ability to do business. Too much focus on the pew-pew and not enough focus on the pow-wow can have severe implications for all of the above.

Pop quiz: What do you think is greater, the number of executive protection agents who have been fired because their client got killed? Or the number that got fired because a client’s wife/manager/trusted advisor straight-up didn’t like them? I think anyone who has been around the industry longer than five minutes probably knows the answer to that question.

The way you interacat with other human beings is crucial for employability and longevity and to be the greatest asset you can be to your client. This article will lay out some simple tips to help you improve your conflict management skills both when dealing with the public and when interacting with stakeholders. 

WHO’S WHO AND WHO MATTERS
Like most things in the EP world, conflict management begins with exhaustive planning and preparation. Learn everything you can about your client. Learn about the people in his/her life. Learn about who they value. Learn about who they listen to.

Figure out who is a cornerstone in their life that isn’t going anywhere because it’s going to be very important that you keep that person happy wherever possible. Sure, you might be “doing your job” when you tell your client’s oldest friend that he can’t use the sterile bathroom, but the way you do it is going to be important.

We spend a lot of time in security talking about threat vectors, and for good reason. It’s important to understand where threats are coming from and where we may be vulnerable. Any protection team worth their salt should be doing this. But how many are looking at opportunity vectors? A client who is currently seeking large scale investment might not want you being abrupt with guests at their cocktail party.

Also, consider what’s happening with your client’s profile and consider how your actions may help or hinder that. Hypothetically, suppose you were protecting the billionaire owner of a football team who is currently being grilled in the media over off-hand comments made about fans of the team. In that case, it’s probably not going to play well if you’re seen on camera pushing a fan down the stairs who tried to get a bit too close for comfort. Again, there’s “doing your job” and doing your job well.

UNDERSTANDING THE TWO UNIVERSAL DRIVERS OF CONFLICT
After years of working in various conflict-rich environments, I’ve concluded that there are only two base drivers of aggression or hurt feelings.

#1. Respect
The second someone feels disrespected, it triggers a deep-routed response in our brain that makes us defensive. Remember, we’re not too far removed from a time in our history where respect and acceptance of our pack was everything. Respect gave you mating rights. It gave you the protection of your tribe. It gave you survival. Being shunned by the tribe left you very cold, very lonely and probably very eaten.

The easiest way to de-escalate someone who is feeling disrespected is, shockingly, to show them some respect. There are several ways we can do this, and the application of these techniques will depend upon context and operational pressures, but to get you started:

Introduce yourself by name and find out their name, then use their name. People like people who know them.

Address them with the formality you think they’d prefer (not everyone wants to be “sir”)

Listen. Don’t interrupt. Listen. And show them you’re listening with your actions. Listen.

Give them time to articulate the cause of their grievance without hurrying them.

Listen some more.

Tell them what you’re going to do with the information you gained from listening.

#2. Power
Disempowerment is a horrible feeling. Anyone who has been handcuffed, even in training, knows that it has a noticeable psychological impact. What if they play a joke on me and don’t let me out? Not being in control of our destiny and having to rely upon others is an uncomfortable feeling.

While many of the things we all get frustrated with may not seem like they’re about power, they are. For example:

Can’t get your toddler to go to sleep and out of ideas? Disempowered.

Being charged extra just before boarding your flight because your carry-on luggage is overweight? Disempowered.

Government shutting down your gym over public health concerns? Disempowered.

Anytime we’re in a situation that we can’t find an immediate resolution to, we start acting out as a rebellion against the feeling of disempowerment. If left unchecked, disempowered people often find tragically profound ways to exercise whatever power they feel they have left – sometimes with murderous or suicidal intent.

If someone is feeling disempowered, you don’t need to fix the problem. You need to help them feel more in control.

Give them options. Human beings would rather have three courses of action we don’t want to take than be given only one option.

Give them information. People will put up with a lot of inconvenience and even hardship if they understand the reasons why it’s happening. Compare waiting at a doctor’s office without any communication, versus waiting and being told it’s because the doctor is currently dealing with an emergency. People like to be informed. This also shows respect.

Enact a change that satisfies their demands or, if not practical, tell them how you’re going to escalate their problem to the person who can make such decisions. The promise of future power lessens the sting of a present lack of power.

JUST BE MORE LIKEABLE
I get it. Not everyone in EP is a people person, although it certainly helps if you are. But by doing the simple things above, you can build better relationships with clients, the people they care about, and the stakeholders that make them who they are. You’ll become a better listener, a better problem solver, a better intelligence-gatherer, a better networker, and you’ll be more likeable.

What I’ve outlined above works just as well with a pushy fan as it does with a difficult spouse. Use this information liberally, as there’s literally no downside to being better at conflict management.

 

---

LIFE & WORK SKILLS: CONFLICT MANAGEMENT FOR PROTECTORS
By  Joe Saunders

A security and workplace violence expert, Joe Saunders is the host of the Managing Violence Podcast and state manager at Risk 2 Risk. He has dedicated his life to protecting the vulnerable and equipping other protectors to do the same. He is based in Melbourne, Australia.