Manners & Etiquette In a Post-Covid World

When a gentleman offers his hand—gloved or ungloved—a lady does not recoil and yell, “What are you, crazy?” This is a handshake, and a lady knows it poses her no threat. If she must sanitize immediately afterward, she will do so discreetly.

If her companion wishes to hug hello, a lady must never moan in ecstasy at the long-missed sensation of human touch. That would be very weird.

On being asked to write this article I thought it would be a simple affair but after some quick research I soon realised that like so many my manners had been stifled and I tend to be rather sharp with people as I do not want to stay out too long.

“Etiquette is always evolving, it’s never set in stone,” says Massachusetts-based etiquette consultant Jodi Smith. “What’s set in stone is the idea of respect for myself and respect for others.”

Manners, etiquette, and protocol are three things that have been a part of my world for over 25 years in one form or another. It started with helping friends during my early 20’s with the dos and don’ts of what to wear to a formal function and how to eat at the table. And after graduating as a butler in March 2003, I learned a lot more about the world’s dos and don’ts and informed not just friends but work colleagues and employers along with their guests about proper protocol for interactions.

Now fast forward to a world that got plunged into a plague situation and left people scrambling; it seemed that manners were one of the first casualties. First, we had to stay away from each other, so families spent less time at the table and instead shouted at each other from the other end of the hall. Tempers frayed as parents started working from home, children had to be homeschooled, and nearly all social activities were cancelled. In a recent article in the Seattle Times  Reporter Ligaya Figueras stated that she was appalled by the lack of decorum at the table during meals, especially at dinner time. Other people have even resorted to seeking professional help for their lack of manners at the dinner table.

Will this be a growth industry as clients return to fine dining in restaurants and get dressed up again? It may well be. But some think that the more casual approach to life will be more in tune with post-pandemic life. They like the idea of wearing yoga pants and t-shirts and track pants to work and out to lunch, even in more formal dining settings. A quick brush of the hair 5 minutes before the ‘office’ meeting now seems to be okay. Several people I know who work from home still get dressed in more casual business attire, but that means chinos and polo shirts for the gentleman and skirts and shirts and even a more casual style of dresses for the ladies. But the thing is that they do get changed out of track pants and pyjamas as they face the trek to the office, which is usually the kitchen table or, if lucky, a spare room set up for the duration.

Zoom meetings are the new thing between office colleagues working from home. And while it may be hilarious the first time the cat or the kids are in the background, it certainly isn’t after the tenth. Traditionally before the pandemic, we rarely used zoom and other similar styles of meetings. But it was good once in a while when you really couldn’t justify the expense of flying or driving. As the virus loomed, much of the technology was problematic as the world’s internet connections struggled to keep up. Now it seems that many still struggle to cope with how to mute themselves while listening to others and not talking over each other. Then there is also the problem with those who struggle with hearing and other disabilities and anxieties that makes communication difficult even under more normal circumstances.

I think that manners, etiquette, and protocol will be more important than ever as we try to guide ourselves through the pandemic and afterwards. Not just within the office environment but even the social interactions in our own homes as many parents may still be working from home and children may still be homeschooled.

One thing that has changed for the better is the etiquette of public transport and with using lifts. Spaces are left. People are more polite. There is no crowding at the doors as people attempt to get the first bus, train, or lift. People are more willing to wait for another less crowded one and will prioritize comfort and safety over speed. You may also have to get up from your desk to talk with colleagues as they will be further apart as new hygiene measures are being introduced as many companies look to going back to the office.

An article in the Sydney Morning Herald suggests that people will seek more of a human connection.

“What we’re hearing is people want to come back to the workplace for those human connections,” says Lisa Munao, head of workplace design and innovation at Sydney design firm Davenport Campbell. Her firm engaged in a survey about return-to-work attitudes with the University of NSW and has put together a toolkit of suggested practical measures and office design solutions to keep staff and clients safe while fostering happiness and engagement. It has also been suggested that the change in attitude towards mental health will help people be kinder to each other.

And what about the handshake? Well, that is one way that humans have greeted each other for centuries. It was a way to show that you held no weapons in your hands and seal bonds. The customs of some countries such as Japan, which bow upon meeting, have been adopted by many. Another custom I have seen adopted is placing a hand over the heart and nodding on greeting.

Eventually, however, experts predict that most of our long-standing rituals and habits will re-emerge as restrictions on our daily lives are eased.

Jodi Smith is certain, for example, that shaking hands — a gesture of goodwill that dates back as far as 5th century Greece — will become the norm in the United States once more.

“We will return to shaking hands,” she says. “It may not be until 2025, but eventually we will.”

P.S. An excellent article for the post-Covid world has also been published by Debora Robertson of Country Life magazine in the U.K.

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Will Manners still Maketh the Man?
By Susanne Danceris

Susanne Danceris a professional Butler of 25 years having served as a Valetand Ladies Maid to prominent HNW’s and corporations. Susanne isa self-professed etiquette & protocol geek, a social historian, a cancer and migraine warrior as well as being an avid book collector.